Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I Wake Up in Pain

   I am lucky.  Put me horizontal and lay me flat and I will fall asleep.  Or put me in front of the television and I will fall asleep.  But I always wake up in pain.  My feet hurt and I cannot feel them, my hands hurt, throb and I can feel them very well, like shuffling razor blades.  Peripheral neuropathy, my collateral damage, a souvenir from my successful battle with cancer.  I go downstairs and feed my doggy, the 128# Rottweiler-pitbull-mastiff breed my daughter gave me. I don't need a home security system although his bark is far worse than his bite.  I don't think he would bite anyone but bad guys don't know this.  He is a big dog.  I make some coffee and take a vicodin and head out my backdoor
the hundred feet or so to my studio. across the stone bridge to my office.  The blood begins to flow, life ebbs into my feet and my hands are stiff and sore, so far unresponsive.  Tender to the touch.
   My new computer is so much faster than the old one, I sometimes wonder why I even bought it?
It can "multi-task" and I cannot.  I have a routine and each morning is about the same.  I check my e-mails most of which are junk and I check out who is blogging what?  What is important and what are people doing and what are they willing to say?  Then I check the news and I have to admit I like this aspect of my computer.  I get news from all over the world.  It is pretty complicated and sometimes difficult to sort out.  It is almost never what the headlines say.  There is always so much more to the story.  I think if voting were a life or death issue I would want to know a lot more.  I sometimes wonder if when we die, if we are really put before God what would happen?  What would happen if He said:
"Well, it was a gift! What did you think about it?"
   So I read the news and I am so thankful that I do not live in Syria and I remember that we had our own Civil War!  There is so much progress in the art of killing people.  We are still tribal people, not much has changed at all.
    I read about how our economy is supposed to be getting better but I don't see that happening around here.  The Stock Market went to 3000 yesterday, carried by the likes of Apple and the price of gold I suspect.  My little $5,000 in Steel Stocks is still down to less than $2,000 and I know that things won't get better for the average person until we are building things again.  Corporations are doing well, making the most profits in that last sixty years!  But we all know it is not trickling down.
General Motors is back to being the largest car company in the world but I know few people who could actually go out and buy one.
   There are debates tonight and I will watch them.  I am saddened by American Politics. This election process will cost billions of dollars and I realize that a regular person can never become President.  It is a lot of money and has to come from somewhere.  Somebody is paying for this and they will want something in return.  As the economy is theoretically getting better the issues have turned to "social issues" and they are talking about gay marriage and religion and all of a sudden I think I am in Iran!  Don't we have better things to do than lurk around bedroom windows?
   By now my feet are better and I feel as though they will hold me up and my hands are no longer the center of my being.  One last check on blogger ville and I am off to my bath!  Hot water in a bubble bath in a six foot one hundred year old cast iron tub!  Pretty lucky, thank you so much.  Then I return to my shop or my studio or my office or my garden or maybe the greenhouse!  I have so many choices!  And I am just incredibly lucky!


Kay said...

good for you Jerry. I won't be watching the debate tonight..the hatred that these people spew is too much. I know where they stand and why I won't be voting for them. I will do something that makes me happy in my little world. A hot bath in a cast iron tub sounds terrific!!! Mine is on the deck waiting for a new paint job and some more work on the bathroom floor.I can't wait to get it installed again..I miss it!!!

CrimsonLeaves said...

I really love the way you've ended this post so positively, Jerry. My heart goes out to you for the pain in your feet and hands. My feet hurt me all the time and I don't even have to stand on them to make them that way. No, I don't see the economy getting better either. We got way less back in our tax returns this year than we had in the past, so even that little boon to our own economy wasn't much of a boon.