Thursday, April 7, 2011

Everything Under the Sun...

   has been written about, done and redone.  There can be only so many "dark and stormy nights", so many misty sunrises pushing out the valley fog before we get bored with the language and put the book back on the shelf.  We want things, especially descriptions, to offer us a new plate of emotions, a view not seen or buried
too long.  A writer can be stuck for hours on an ocean wave in an attempt to describe the Pacific in a way that hasn't been done.
   This is especially true when it comes to sex.  We think about this all the time, as the saying goes, 65% of the population masturbates and 35% are liars!  IT is in every advertisement, in all the magazines, on almost every television show, everywhere.  When it becomes our task at description we stumble and fidget, find euphemisms, draw the curtains and guess.  Sex is one of the hardest (!) things to write about.  How do you do it without it being pornographic?  Or how do you do it so it is very pornographic?
    At one time or another we have all stumbled our way through it and maybe with practice achieved perfection but that doesn't make it easier to write about.  It is in and out, a repetitive exercise with sometimes contorted, uncomfortable positions that leaves you sweaty like any good workout program.
    Part of the problem may be that sex isn't really what we are after.  It is just a pleasant road on a journey to discover something else entirely.  But intimacy itself is a difficult subject because intimacy always means we are not enough.  Intimacy is far more personal than sex; it is allowing another into your soul and it is a position of vulnerability.  You can get wounded.
   It is a trick not taught to go through life without developing callouses, defensive shields and barriers.  It is a defensive mechanism of survival but works against us too.  We set perimeters and boundaries to prevent approach without ever realizing these same behaviors limit our ability to escape.  It is a difficult situation.
I cannot be who I might want to be because I have a fear of who you are.  We develop a distrust of reactions and a caution to what other's might think.
    A way out of this situation might be to own your own feelings and let other's own theirs.  I am not responsible for how you think or how you feel.  I don't make you feel anything.  The feelings are yours, and mine are mine.  That is a lot easier to say than to incorporate and conflicts a bit with our use of language.
You make me feel sad.  In my philosophy this is impossible. Yeah, you can make me hot baby, but only I can make me sad!

Don't worry, be Happy.  Look at my art HERE.


Clipped Wings said...

Many years ago, when I was trying to save a marriage, I was enlightened to the fact that when I am talking about my partner to my partner, never use the word you. Alway use only the words me or I, because I am really talking about what I cannot live with or what I need. Saying you puts the other person in defensive mode, say me or I gets the problem solved. Great post.

Constance Stanza Extravaganza Extraordinaire said...

This is brilliant Jerry and is what real freedom is all about.

D.H. Lawrence came the closest to writing about sex, love and REAL intimacy that I have ever read and I will continue to use him as my yardstick until somebody writes something better.

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AutumnLeaves said...

Proudly wearing all my callouses, defensive shields, and barriers. And? I don't and am not a liar either. Must be 101% out there, I guess. LOLOL

Dan Kent said...

Re the last two paragraphs: This is a timely post for me, and there is a lot here to think about. Thank you.

stonepost said...

Thanks, Dan, it is a bit of a foreign concept and I have to remind myself of it all the time!

Barbra Joan said...

Clipped wings has it right. ... I have a close friend who went through therapy, (oh, yeah what I should have done..!
She once told me that phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way" it is one of the best.. Someone else cannot argue about your own feelings.. so when your confronted with 'You make me so mad' I could spit" you say, I'm sorry you feel that way..? Hey, it works great with my husband .. end of story!